Communication Skills Coaching: How to recognize gaslighting--what words and phrases to look for

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In this Communication Skills Coaching video, communication coach Dan O'Connor tells you how to recognize when someone is gaslighting you. He tells you the words and phrases to watch for, and as always, includes power phrases for effective communication. When somebody's gaslighting you it's about you and is calling into question your reasoning & your thinking, it's designed to take the focus off the subject at hand (that you're probably bringing up) and instead place it on you and your thought process and why you are that way and it's intended to get you to doubt your thinking.
That is not okay.
It's okay if somebody challenges us; it's okay if somebody questions our actions; it's okay if somebody calls out our behavior; it is not okay if somebody tries to get us to question our sanity.
That is not okay

So be cautious of that whether you're concerned about gaslighting at work or you're concerned about gaslighting in a relationship. Here's the type of thing to look for:

Now, remember gaslighting generally comes when you bring up something that you're not happy with or that you're concerned about and they respond to it with gaslighting.

So gaslighting isn't generally something that people do just to make you crazy--it happens--but generally, it's when you bring up something--the strategy of a gaslighter is to take the focus off of what you're addressing and instead place it on you.

Here's what it sounds like:
"I don't know what happened to make you this way, but I'm not engaging."
"Can you hear yourself? Seriously--you want me to set up an appointment with somebody?"
"Are you crazy?"
"Hey--you don't see me doing that, do you?"
"I really feel sorry for you."
"I'm sorry you think that way."
"I'm sorry you feel that way."
"I suggest reflecting on why you think that."
"I never said that."
"That is not at all what happened. You are remembering it all wrong."
"You're really making a big deal out of this."
"Here you go again; really, do you have to do this every time?"
"Hey--I'm not the problem here. Have you considered that maybe you're the problem--that maybe this is happening to you over and over again? It's not happening to me."
"My god--I was just joking--what's wrong with you? Where's your sense of humor? Don't be so sensitive all the time!"

Dan teaches how to improve communication skills by giving concrete examples, words, phrases and even the appropriate body language for responding to gaslighting, and other communication situations, with mindful but effective words. Go to Dan's website https://www.danoconnortraining.com to see Dan's online communication training courses. This video and the courses you'll find on Dan's website are all brought to you by #communicationskills #communicationcoach Dan O'Connor
#gaslightinginrelationships, #gaslightingatwork, #howtohandleagaslighter

0:00 Intro
0:19 What is gaslighting?
0:33 Response #1
1:01 Gaslighting examples
2:00 what is gaslighting in a relationship?
2:40 What gaslighting is not
3:10 When people gaslight us
3:23 Gaslighting examples
4:10 What people might say to you?
4:45 More examples of gaslighting
5:26 If I see that caller ID one more time
5:44 Getting you to question your sanity is never OK
5:55 Your rules are OK

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